I got up early this morning and expected and looked forward to sitting down with my coffee after setting up breakfast for Mary Kay and me. I arrived in the kitchen and realized that Mikey is at home and that I was going to have some cleaning up to do in order to enjoy myself. I sometimes wish I were different but I need a certain order to be able to enjoy myself, something that is a double edged sword.
After talking to him when he got up, I realized that he was really not capable of the cleaning up as he is still having issues with sleep that clearly, from what I can see, area a major reason for a relapse when you have an addiction. It is somewhat akin to torture to a recovering addict to have to deal with. A nightly fear of how the sleep routine is going to go. It is hard to rationalize and realize that it is a temporary phase. I recall days of insomnia before having children. My boys did a great number on me and taught me how to sleep standing up and, for the most part, insomnia is no longer a part of my life. Periodically, everyone has an evening of sleeplessness, my most usual scenario of late is to fall into a deep sleep, wake up completely wide awake, and stay up for a few hours. I am guessing that I may well need less sleep than most people, anyway.
Mikey did a bit of research and knows that the sleep issues could last for a while. That doesn’t make it necessarily easier to deal with.
I am enjoying my house almost devoid of Christmas trappings. I enjoy the clean aspect and not having to see the needles on the carpet.
I am wondering how long to continue what I call the Daddy Boot Camp. How long is this going to go on? When I say this, I am saying it in reference to the daily journal entries. Time will answer that issue. This morning, once Mike got up, we decided to watch a movie together. I wanted to “chill” and see about getting my blood pressure lower than it has been, so watching a movie seemed to be a good solution. It has been in the slightly higher than the borderline range, but I am not happy about that and I am avoiding medicating however I can. If I really need it, that is one thing, but if I can somehow lower it wholistically, I shall. My breathing session today lowered it to a more normal range; I am going to continue to try the controlled breathing each day.
Mike is eating us out of house and home, his new “clean” status is bringing out his appetite and he actually could use a little padding.
We had lunch with his oldest brother and now we are getting ready to go to the gym. Later this afternoon I have a tutoring session to attend.
So, off to the gym for a swim and spotting Mikey to be followed by a visit to the grocery store and picking up items for dinner and for Mikey’ moments of hunger. My routine is in transition.