Freshly Buzzed: Thoughts on being follicularly challenged and the art of being hirsute

the results of my hair procedure this morning

 

Yesterday, in my plans for the day, which went haywire, I had planned on taking on the hair on my head, or at least what is left of it.  Of course I had not planned as well as I had thought, and that was one of my tasks that was left undone at the end of the day. I must say it was not totally my planning, there seem to be many things in my life that show up suddenly, without being expected.  As a matter of fact, this article was interrupted for over an hour by my son who came over with his two new Spanish speaking friends as they all navigated through the purchase of my son’s bright red dump truck.  Is it my Karma that things like this occur to me?  I think so.  I was called into action as well as besides just loaning the workspace.  The printer in the house’s main office was in need of attention:  Mary Kay hadn’t changed the ink cartridges, I rarely use that one since I work out of my own office in the rec room.  Richie needed something printed, so I had to locate the cartridges and change them!

Today was to be a day of “rest” for me.  I decided to tackle my head grooming, go to the gym and swim in the pool, shower, come home and kind of “veg out.”  When I returned home, I thought I would start by writing, but my other half overtook me and I cleaned up the kitchen, not wanting to have that task over my head.  That is my personality, whether I like it or not.

So, this morning I tackled the head issue.  For years I have been saving money by not going to the barber, what the heck, why pay someone to do what I can do myself with the hair trimming set, you just have to change the attachments.  Of late, I have been cutting it shorter and shorter, something that isn’t perhaps as easy as it sounds.  Vanity and fear prevented me from doing this sooner. Years ago, when I finally accepted the fact that the hair on the top of my head was disappearing faster than I ever would have believed, I finally got into the habit of keeping it short and making no attempt whatsoever to hide the fact that I was balding.  I noticed, while in Europe more than once, that the idea of “comb over” is not seen on any European men, basically, they are smarter and have no need of such American, macho silliness.  So, I buzzed my head, it feels so much better.  The fact that I have a very trim full beard seems to take a bit off the edge of my self-consciousness. So much so, that who knows, I may just shave the head one of these days.  I am down to a 1/4” attachment anyway.  Oh, and did I mention that my ankles have even gone bald?  People actually ask me if I shave them!

The hair issue brings me to one of my big gripes:  poor grooming.  I am amazed by the amount of men who have great haircuts, full heads of hair, and what my boys call “monkey hair” all over their necks.  Why is it that they cannot manage to shave their necks?  The thing about it is that it extends the life of a haircut when you do it.  My family is notorious for helping each other out in this area.  We went to a wedding a few weeks ago and Richie realized that his “monkey hair” hadn’t been dealt with.  His brother pulled out a trimmer and cleaned it up before we left.

Another manscaping issue is back hair and unfortunately it is seen far too often as far as I am concerned.  I suppose there are some who might think it okay.  I might have even been okay with it, but my boys used to remark when we were at the pool or beach, “Look, that guy forgot to take off his sweater.” It seems to me that if you are going to be seen in public in some state of undress, that perhaps  you might take it upon yourself to manscape a bit and remove the fur.  I have seriously thought of opening up a business at the beach with my trimmers and make some cash!

I have to say that I am a man of the hirsute persuasion and totally understand the predicament of men who are losing the hair on their heads but who have a profusion of growth elsewhere.  Not to mention that as we age it even gets worse, hair starts growing in the most interesting places.  Is there anything worse than eyebrows that are taking over foreheads?  Have these people not heard of scissors?  How about the tufts of fur coming out of ears?  As I said, I understand these issues, maybe I am even more sensitive tothem than most.  When I did substitute teaching before landing a full time teaching job, one of the students came up to me, looked at my hands and arms and said, “You’re a gorilla!”  For a self-conscious person, that came about as close to knocking me over as a grenade!

For those who find the control of their body hair to be a challenge, technology has come to our aid once again.  There are electric and battery operated trimming machines of all shapes and sizes.  They can often even be used in the shower as well as dry, and now they have something (I haven’t yet tried it) that allows you to even deal with hair on parts of your body that are difficult to reach!

I am trying to figure out where the heck I am going with this article.  Do we perhaps need a new political party?

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